Alone

It's 11:35 at night, and I am finally alone! I took T over to the beach for the day, and saying it's been a long day is an understatement. The main reason we went over there was to hang with my bro who was in town for the weekend, and normally day trips aren't this draining. This particular one found me taking T over an hour away from home all by my lonesome because Big Poppa is still working 7 days a week. It also came after I have spent alot of unscheduled, out of the ordinary time with T, from the storm shut down to going out to lunch yesterday and then watching the first Alabama game of the season. I love doing all of this fun stuff with him, but as anyone with kids can tell you, doing anything off schedule can  make for a long, hard day for Mommy! It also makes me CRAVE any time alone, even if its 5 minutes in the bathroom. Normally I have all night once T goes to bed, but he has a cold so getting him into his crib is much more work than I am willing to do right now. I set the pack and play up in our room and he slept until almost 9 this morning and that NEVER happens!

 

Dealing with days like today really makes me appreciate the life I had before baby. I see my brother and his girlfriend, and they can just lay by the pool or stay as long as they want at the fishing tournament weigh in, and I used to do things like that. Hell, I still want to do things like that! But it just can't happen that way anymore, not when I am alone with a 14 month old. I am not saying having kids means you have to stop doing all things fun- it definitely limits your spontaneity, and requires lots of planning if you are going to get someone else to watch your kids, but there is still fun to be had! It's just a different type of fun.

 

It makes me so sad to think of the girls who didn't get to have a real life before they had their babies. Girls who didn't know what its like to only have to worry about themselves. Yes, I can get a babysitter for T but there is still an end to that- I have to go home and resume Mommyhood at some point. I used to love taking hour long baths, or sitting by the pool all day reading a book but those things just don't get to happen as easily anymore. Having kids is fun and great and amazing and all that sappy crap, but its also very hard. Not having kids is fun too, and its easy. I am just glad I got to have such a great time during the easy time, so I don't feel like I missed out on anything now that I am dealing with some hard fun times!